Grammy Hall

The forty-eighth Grammy awards are but a week away. The music industry will descend upon Los Angeles any moment now and will have to deal with Woody Allen's assertion that he didn't "want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light". For my own part, I shall be even further away on the night enjoying the pub and a curry with my friends back in London so I thought I would go through some of the main categories and attempt to make some predictions. Here's one off the bat: I fear that I'll never make it to the ceremony. A few years ago, I was this (puts thumb and forefinger together) close to going as I was in town to conduct interviews for a documentary series I was making on directors of music videos. U2 had agreed on principal to grant me 10 minutes at the event but sadly pulled the plug as more pressing commitments took over. It's fine, really, I didn't blame them and still listen to their music. Moby, on the other hand, who cancelled our Chateau Marmont interview a few days before the show is (in a Stephen Colbert tone) dead to me... make sure you take care on those red lights ; )

Record Of The Year

We Belong Together, Mariah Carey

Feel Good Inc., Gorillaz

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, Green Day

Hollaback Girl, Gwen Stefani

Gold Digger, Kanye West

The buzz is that this is Mariah Carey's year. So let's just state that she'll win in the "important" categories like this one. Three monster tunes here with Kanye West's Gold Digger eclipsing Gorillaz and Gwen (in that order). I believe Gold Digger is up there with Hey Ya and Crazy In Love in the sense that it plays well across pretty much every demographic (between the ages of 5 and 50 in any case) which possibly proves that hip hop and R & B have become more accessible than rock.

WILL WIN: MARIAH CAREY
SHOULD WIN: KANYE WEST

Album Of The Year

The Emancipation Of Mimi, Mariah Carey

Chaos And Creation In The Backyard, Paul McCartney

Love. Angel. Music. Baby. Gwen Stefani

How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb, U2

Late Registration, Kanye West

Inexplicably, Mariah Carey is favoured to pull off the double and take home Album Of The Year. I read one (unintentionally) hilarious prediction stating that Paul McCartney will nab this because the other heavyweights will cancel each other out. Not a chance. I can't see Stefani winning because I view her as a singles act; and correct me if I'm wrong but didn't the U2 record come out in November 2004? Does this mean that because Bono is politically active and a very good person to boot that their release date got overlooked?!? Of course, the standout effort was by Kanye but a win here could subliminally be read as Grammy voters agreeing with his comments about Bush. I fear that come the end of the night, you might argue that Grammy voters don't care about Kanye West...

WILL WIN: MARIAH CAREY
SHOULD WIN: KANYE WEST

Best Rock Song

Speed Of Sound, Coldplay

Best Of You, Foo Fighters

Beverly Hills, Weezer

City Of Blinding Lights, U2

Devils & Dust, Bruce Springsteen

An extremely solid selection with only Springsteen's inclusion smacking of the old boy network clearly being at work. Only the Foo Fighters truly "rock" out of these five choices but I think this will go to Coldplay. Weezer's Beverly Hills might be viewed as too novelty (the video was shot at the Playboy mansion, fact fans) and U2 have bigger awards to win. And so Chris Martin will get his chance to make trade fair. Or at least do the decent thing and update us on Gwyneth's pregnancy ("she seems to put gherkins in her ice cream").

WILL WIN: COLDPLAY
SHOULD WIN: FOO FIGHTERS

Best Rock Album

X&Y, Coldplay

In Your Honor, Foo Fighters

A Bigger Bang, The Rolling Stones

How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb, U2

Prairie Wind, Neil Young

Never mind who actually wins here just think about the nominees combined age! Not exactly the raison d'etre of rock, is it? And wouldn't it be wonderful if either the Stones or Neil Young won just to see if they could walk up to the stage? A Bigger Bang was viewed as the Stones best album in twenty years but does that make it a worthy contender? Young's Prairie Wind was far more accomplished and is my sneaky tip to "do" a Steely Dan and pull off a shock win. That said, I can't look beyond U2. Again, should they be nominated but, seeing as they are, that must mean something. In Your Honor was slightly on the long side and X & Y is (in my opinion) a truly epic side X and very average side Y. Go back down the alphabet and there's your winner...

WILL WIN: U2
SHOULD WIN: U2

Best Alternative Music Album

Funeral, The Arcade Fire

Guero, Beck

Plans, Death Cab For Cutie

You Could Have It So Much Better, Franz Ferdinand

Get Behind Me Satan, The White Stripes

It must be me then. The clear winner - Arcade Fire's Funeral - is another 2004 release but as ver Fire are U2's act of choice to enter the stage to, maybe Bono had a word with Mr. and Mrs. Grammy and paved the way for them. Putting my snarky comments to one side, Funeral is an incredible record, unlike anything else nominated. If you haven't got it, well, you're missing out so do the decent thing and be nice to your Canadian cousins! Otherwise, there was more interesting work from Beck and The White Stripes but they've both seen better days. Franz Ferdinand released an arguably weaker sophomore album whereas Death Cab are probably included because the current dictionary definition of 'alternative' has a portrait of the band looking pensive. No, really.

WILL WIN: ARCADE FIRE
SHOULD WIN: ARCADE FIRE

Best Rap Album

Be, Common

The Cookbook, Missy Elliott

Encore, Eminem

The Massacre, 50 Cent

Late Registration, Kanye West

At least he'll walk away with this one. I can't really imagine what Kanye would have to say to not win here (though his Rolling Stone Jesus cover might potentially upset a few undecided voters). Missy Elliott continues her token 'woman who it's acceptable to listen to in the male dominated world that is rap' (rolls right off the tongue, yeah?) role but I feel that her and Eminem's time has gone in the eyes and ears of the voters. Common has a shot with his finest album but even that would be a virtual victory for Mr. West as he produced it. 50 Cent - or 31p as we like to call him in England - has the credibility factor (will we ever tire of learning how many times he's been shot?) but I'll eat my foam Grammy hat if Late Registration comes anywhere but first.

WILL WIN: KANYE WEST
SHOULD WIN: KANYE WEST